


Sex, drugs and a middle finger to heaven and hell

by punprincess321



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), Aftercare, Alcohol, Angry Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley in Love (Good Omens), Aziraphale is So Done (Good Omens), Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Confessional Sex, Consensual Sex, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley is So Done (Good Omens), Crowley's Flat (Good Omens), Drug Use, Drugged Sex, Drunk Aziraphale (Good Omens), Drunk Crowley (Good Omens), Drunk Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Gabriel (Good Omens), Morning After, Morning Cuddles, My First Smut, Smut, Top Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punprincess321/pseuds/punprincess321
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley decide to make their hatred of heaven and hell known in the best ways possible and also finally admit what they've been wanting to say to each other for 6000 years.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	1. Wasted, high and horny

Crowley was dancing a little bit to some of Queens best hits in the Bentley on his way to Aziraphales bookshop, it had been one whole year since Armageddon didn't happen and heaven and hell seemed to be leaving them alone, Crowley had picked up some wine and he was going to celebrate this anniversary with his favourite angel.

Crowley walked up to the door and turned the knob, it was locked, the demon looked at the door and saw the curtains had been pulled down and the closed sign was up, what was going on? He told Aziraphale he was coming, Crowley miracled the door open and walked in. "Angel I'm here, where are you?" He called out, without warning the stench of skunk hit him immediately, at least that's what he thought it was, he covered his nose to avoid gagging and walked around looking for Aziraphale, the smell got stronger as he got closer to the back of the store.

Crowley walked behind the cash register and he saw a sight that was way out of the ordinary, Aziraphale was slouched on his couch, his shirt unbuttoned enough that you could slightly see his chest and his eyes were glossed over with a hazy stare, his expression read "fuck it all" and he had this weird little smile on his lips. "Angel, are you alright?" Crowley asked, this kind of look was completely out of the ordinary for the principality.

Aziraphale looked over and his smile got wider. "Heeeeyyyyy Crowleeyyy!" He said slurring, the angel then pulled out what appeared to be a cigarette and took a drag before blowing the smoke back out of his lungs in Crowley's direction, the cloud of smoke immediately circled the demons head, Crowley now knew what that skunk stench was. "Aziraphale! Since when do you smoke marijuana!?" The demon exclaimed, Aziraphale groaned and fell back onto the couch.

"That FUCK face Gabriel came by..... He said he was willing to let me come back to work in heaven, the imbecile thought I'd actually agree, he said the offer was open!~" Aziraphale slurred, he put extreme emphasis on the curse word and had said the last four words in a sing song tone, Crowley's eyes went wide, Gabriel was in the shop, alone, with Aziraphale, who knows what could have happened, Crowley cupped Aziraphales face and checked for bruises, the angel gave a little giggle at the demons care. "Don't worry dear boy, he didn't touch me, he touched a nerve is more like it." He said calmly.

Aziraphale stood up and walked over to his desk and opened a drawer, he pulled out a bag of the drug and some paper. "You're not staying clean either, so I'll make you one." He mumbled, he rolled Crowley a joint while the demon watched in disbelief. "How do you know how to do this Angel?" He asked as he sat down, slightly unsure if he wanted to know the answer, Aziraphale turned to him smiling. "Heaven has this interesting gentleman, Bob Marley I think his name was, he moved to London in the 1970's and he came to my shop once, quite an interesting gentleman, he was a talented musician and very passionate on his idea for the legalization of this substance, I was curious so I tried it, best decision I made of my entire existence." The angel admitted.

Crowley just looked at Aziraphale in disbelief as the angel sat down on the couch next to him, Aziraphale handed him the joint and took another drag of his own. "I think the anniversary of our victory and this plant will get my mind off heavens bullshit...." the principality mumbled, Crowley looked at the joint and sighed. "I'll admit it, my head office also wants me to come back, it's obviously a trap knowing them..... Let's get stoned and wasted!" The demon shouted, Aziraphale hooted as Crowley used some hellfire to light the joint.

It hadn't even been two hours and the two celestial beings were drunk, high, giggling messes on the couch, Crowley had miracled up a small cake that was only halfway done even when he summoned it an hour ago. "Y-...You know what would be the..*hic*... best way to get them off our backs?...." Crowley slurred.

Aziraphale looked at the demon with a hazy stare. "W- *burp*.... what did you have in mind?...." He mumbled before downing the last of his wine, Crowley moved closer to Aziraphale, grinning and giggling at seemingly nothing, any normal angel would have been terrified but Aziraphale was perfectly calm, well, as calm as you could be while drunk and high and your crush was literally inches from your face.

Without a second thought, Crowley pressed his lips against Aziraphales, the angels face went completely red and his eyes widened, Crowley pulled away and smiled. "I've been wanting to do that for centuries....." he whispered, Aziraphale stared at him completely flustered before grabbing the demons face and pulling him into another kiss.

The kiss got heated really fast, turning into a sloppy make out, Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley's neck, keeping him in place, Crowley had his hands on Aziraphales hips. "Crowley..... I-I want you~" he squeaked, Crowley smirked and snapped his fingers which took them to his flat. "I have a bed in the back that'd be more comfortable~" He slurred, Aziraphale giggled and let the demon drag him to the bedroom.

Crowley flung Aziraphale onto the bed and got on top of him, the demon had a lusty grin across his face, Aziraphale bit his lip before Crowley lowered down and kissed him, the angel wrapped his arms around the demons neck holding him in place. The two beings didn't move at all from their current position, Crowley moved his knee in between Aziraphales legs, essentially resting against his crotch area, the angel moaned into the kiss from the pressure between his legs.

Crowley smirked hearing how Aziraphale had reacted and moved his hand to replace his knee, he undid Aziraphales pants, reached in and began palming his clothed cock, Aziraphale parted from the kiss and moaned loudly. "C-crowley!~" he cried, the demon continued his movement. "You're quite sensitive angel~" he said.

Aziraphale bit his lip again as Crowley began to unbutton his shirt, the angel reacted and decided to have his own fun, he snapped his fingers and Crowleys clothes were instantly gone, the demon chuckled. "Alright if you're so impatient~" he snapped his fingers and Aziraphales clothes vanished and a bottle of lubricant and a condom appeared next to them, Aziraphale blushed and smiled. "You're quite efficient my dear~"

It didn't take long until the condom had been torn open, the lube bottle uncapped, and Aziraphale moaning like crazy while Crowley prepped him, gently moving his fingers around inside his angel. "I've dreamt of doing this with you angel~" the demon admitted, Aziraphale gripped the sheets of the bed, his legs spread apart as Crowleys fingers penetrated him. "I-I confess I've had a romantic sexual attraction to you as well~" the angel said stuttering, Crowley licked his lips and pulled his fingers out, Aziraphale panted but the look on the demons face meant that the night wasn't over.

Crowley lifted Aziraphales legs up and lined up his entrance, he looked down for a sign, Aziraphale gave a slight nod and the demon acted, thrusting in slowly, Aziraphale bit his lip and hissed, it hurt a little bit but the pain disappeared and was replaced with pleasure quite quickly, causing the angel to moan. "C-Crowley! I-it's so much!~" he exclaimed, Crowley was panting and trying to keep balance.

Crowley began to speed up, Aziraphale gasped and squealed from surprise and splendor, holding onto Crowley and begging for more, even clawing at the demons back in desperation, Crowley was on his own agenda. _E_ _njoy this moment as much as possible because it may be a dream._ Crowley's thrusts were sloppy but Aziraphale didn't know or care, he was just in paradise.

"C-Crowley! I'm going to climax!~" Aziraphale cried, Crowley grabbed Aziraphales cock and jerked him off, the angel screamed in pleasure as he orgasmed, Crowley was not far behind.

The two caught their breath as Crowley pulled out and fell next to Aziraphale, the two looked at each other sweating and their faces flushed, Aziraphale moved close and kissed Crowley before laying on his chest and passing out, Crowley didn't manage to stay awake long either and fell asleep shortly afterwards, holding the angel in his arms.


	2. Hungover and happy

The next morning, the morning sunlight shone through the sheer curtains of the bedroom window, Crowley groaned feeling the light on his eyes but also the raging headache he was feeling, he turned to avoid the sunlight so he could fall back asleep and ignore the hangover, forgetting that his arm was wrapped around a sleeping Aziraphale, as he turned his body, he noticed the angel and yelped in surprise, resulting in him falling out of bed. "Oh shit! I forgot about last night!" He whispered to himself, Crowley got up off the floor and grabbed his robe before heading to his kitchen to make some coffee, for himself and Aziraphale.

Aziraphale slowly opened his eyes, he groaned and held his head from the painful headache, as his eyes adjusted to the room, he realized he wasn't in the shop, he was in a bedroom, in a bed with black sheets, completely naked and his lower back sore, he looked around the room more seeing the open condom packet and bottle of lubricant on the bedside table but the most helpful clue was his and Crowley's clothes on a chair in the corner, the angel blushed and covered his face, finally remembering last night.

As the door creaked open, Aziraphale quickly covered his body with the duvet, he relaxed seeing it was Crowley holding coffee, the demon smiled seeing the angel awake. "Morning, I made coffee, it should help with the hangover." He said, handing Aziraphale a mug. "Thank you." Aziraphale replied shyly, sipping the coffee, he was pleased to notice that Crowley remembered how he liked it.

The two sat in silence for a moment drinking their coffee before Aziraphale decided to speak up. "Last night was....pleasant, at least in my opinion." He said, his face turning completely red, Crowley looked at him and smiled, blushing not as violently, he kissed Aziraphales cheek. "It was nice for me too." He replied, Aziraphale smiled shyly at the gesture and response, his smile quickly faded due to the twinge of pain from his lower back.

Crowley heard Aziraphale give a slight hiss of pain and looked over his body, noticing his angel was mostly reacting to back pain, the demon smiled and gently massaged Aziraphales lower back, causing the angel to sigh in relief and smile. "Thank you dear." Aziraphale said happily, Crowley smiled, he laid back and Aziraphale took the opportunity to lay on his chest as the demon continued to massage his sore muscles. "Crowley..... I love you, I have for a long time..." the angel confessed, Crowley blushed and smiled. "I've loved you for a while as well angel." He replied, the two looked at each other and slightly giggled before kissing each other gently.

* * *

Meanwhile in heaven, archangel Michael had a disturbed look on her face as she just finished reviewing recent miracle activities. "Michael? What's wrong?" Gabriel asked, Michael handed him her tablet.

" _Recent Miracle Data:"_

_"11:05 PM, principality Aziraphale miracled bag of marijuana, sheets of paper and lighter"_

_"1:35 AM, principality Aziraphale miracled demon Crowley's clothes onto bedroom chair in corner"_

_"10:00 AM, principality Aziraphale miracled the book 'Kama Sutra' into hands of demon Crowley"_

Gabriel looked at the data completely disturbed, his cellphone ringing immediately, he pulled it out and picked up. "Hello?"

It was Beelzebub, she was also sounding disturbed. "I'm guessing you just got the daily miracle data as well from how creeped out you sound, well listen to mine."

" _Hell's Mischief Tracker"_

_"11:15 PM, demon Crowley uses hellfire to light marijuana cigarette."_

_"12:35 AM, demon Crowley miracles devil's food cake into principality Aziraphales bookstore."_

_"1:28 AM, demon Crowley transports himself and principality Aziraphale to his apartment."_

_"1:35 AM, demon Crowley miracles principality Aziraphales clothes onto bedroom chair in corner."_

_"1:36 AM, demon Crowley miracles condom and bottle of lubricant into home._

_"9:45 AM, demon Crowley miracles asprin into coffee."_

Gabriel nearly dropped his phone in shock. "I think we should mark their notifications as spam, agreed?" Said the hellish leader, the archangel immediately agreed.


End file.
